So it's been a good year since I've gotten on this. Man how I miss these days. Since then I've tried killing myself numerous times......yet I find myself alive. Strange huh? Maybe it's the work of my dad and god. Anywho. I hope everyone is doing well. Infact I can say that I'm actually doing quite well. I am able to deal with my dad, but get bitter about others that take advantage of their parents.....Can you blame me? Anywho have a fantastic night peeps!

Ahh we shared some good times you and I....But it didn't last long. Myspace became my new thing.....Maybe I'll come back to you....Maybe

Oh man I feel like sickness is running all over me. Sucks. No good news. Uhh...what a tough life. man....man....you wouldn't understand.

To anyone who would like to join we will be having the spreading of his ashes at the South Texas Speedway on the 29th at 6:30 pm. I would like to get the stands backed for this so if you have no plans please plan on going to this. It would mean so much to my mother to see them full. Tell as many people as you can.

Ok so since not many people read this I will be posting some pretty intense stuff.

For instance my dad is ill. He has cancer and the doctors say he only has about six months to live. Heart renching I know. Now I have really bad anxiety attacks and very frequently. So I think that I will be going to see a therapist and a psychologist. How do you bury your dad at the young age of 20? I am still a kid! I hate this and I hate that anyone else had to go through it. But I guess like anything else I just have to keep my chin up and move forward. Slowly but surely I will see the light.

Another thing is I am single which isn't so bad but every now and then it wouldn't hurt just to have the opposite sex to hold me and make me feel like I am loved. Sad and pathetic? Yes that is me!

Hey guys! I don't know who still uses this but you should definitly leave me a commit I would love to hear from you. Just an update I thought you would like to know, I am an accountant for a general contractor and I am now living at home, no longer with Matthew Miller, and I bought a new car so I no longer drive that Subaru. It's now a Sunfire that is really cool. Anywho talk to you soon!

I think I want to start just hanging out instead of going out a partying. It's really starting to get out of hand. I mean I am starting to do things that would not be me. Like driving drunk...yeah done that twice. And I know I shouldn't, I know that it's so dumb and that if I were to get into an accident or get pulled over my life would be ruined. But still didn't stop me. So I think I am just going to start hanging out with friends or going and listening to live bands instead of drinking at the clubs/bars. It's out of hand and I'm the only one that can stop it. This is the beginning of a change. Now I'm not saying I'm going to give up drinking but I am going to cut down on it. So that's all for now.

Oh lunch was good. I went to Logan's. Man that place rocks! There's always hot waiters there. Or at least for me. Man now I have the sneezes. They won't go away. What is the deal? Anywho. Myspace is starting to get boring so I think I will be getting on here more often. Well ya'll have a good day!

Man I hate guys. Why can't they wear a sign saying ass, nice, broke, or whatever they are? It should be a law. I guys that lie to me! I will find out so you might as well just tell me rather then lie. I hate that so much! Why do I like the dumbest guys? GRRRRR!!

Man I'm so confused about things right now. I just want to know what you really feel about me. I wish you would assure me sometimes.......I just wish things were different.

wow can you believe your whole life can be turned upside down in one night. man and after you worked so hard for it to get that way. oh well i guess its time for me to move on for good now. i think things are going to change for me. i am thinking about chilling on the drinking thing cause of my reasons. partying is going to be something im going to give up for awhile. im just going to hang out. maybe ill find the man of my dreams.

Man life is going really good right now. I hope it stays that way but you never know.

Man it's been so long. I wish things didn't have to change. If you don't already know, I'm back at my parents house and I have a new car. Yay! I guess. Man......thats about it. Well I'm thinking about another tat. maybe something like atmosphere cause they influenced my life so much. not sure yet. I can't tell you where I'm getting it. That is a surprise. Well that's all for now.

Well lastnight was fun. All I was doing was asking for help and you saw it as something else. Why is it that I do something one way and you see it as I'm doing something else? And it's always something bad never good. I don't think this relationship will work anymore cause you can't trust me at all and I think you are selfish. All I have ever wanted to do was make you happy. But I guess somewhere I messed up. So I guess this is it. I really hate it and I know I will be spending lonely nights crying again. Fun!

Well Matt is moving out Friday. It sucks so much but I guess I really didn't do anything to help keep him here. I'm getting drunk Friday so I can't remember anything. But I probably will. This sucks.

Man I wish Matt was here right now. I'm so fucking depressed. Things never fucking work out for me. Why is that?

Man I can't believe today. Not only did I lose any hope of me and Matt together again but I also lost my bestfriend. But now I have to give him his space. Man I can't believe how stupid I am. Everyone is saying to just move on but I don't think I can. You've made me who I am. You've done things for me when no one else would. I made a big mistake. And now I am paying for it. This is MY fault. I should've listened. But I didn't know what to think. I was so confussed that I lost my mind. I guess I'm the one losing what I had. It's so hard having to go through this. I wish it didn't have to be this way. But I did this. You'll always have a place in my heart. Even if I don't have a place in yours. I can't love cause you loved me.

You just have to be strong. I just have to be strong. I have this book its called I'm Fine, and its for the first 100 days of your break up. Which is cool. It helps me alot. Everytime I read it I feel a whole lot better. This weekend was great. I got drunk with Christina always fun, and I went to a show, and I went to Tims birthday party. Ofcourse thats where I got drunk. So.....how was your weekend.

its time that i keep my problems and life to myself. i dont think that this is helping anyone.

man i am now settled into me and matts new apartment. its way cooler then the other apartments. and its more spacious. if anyone wants to come see it you can. i think i might have a party but that means you have to come. cause otherwise its no party at all. and i saw star wars episode 3 or whatever and as shocking as that statement was i actually liked it!!!! i know i know its crazy. i know. but still not a star wars fan. sorry. but it was a good movie and the acting and action scenes were great. natalie portman and hayden christensen are hot together. well hes hot on his own but with her hes smokin. dont worry matt youre still the hottest boy i know. but anywho......